I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
