is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
