You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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