You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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