hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
