"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
