I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
