I just pynch a tree in the face
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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