The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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