I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
