Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
