Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
