Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
