i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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