Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
