I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
