a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
