Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
