Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
whose parrot is this?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
