WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
