To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
