mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
