my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
