before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
