I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
