you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just had sex on a roof
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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