She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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