Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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