I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
