New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
