New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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