Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
