My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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