My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
