How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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