She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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