Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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