the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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