tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
