Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
