Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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