Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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