Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
