I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My ass is underappreciated
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
