In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
even my farts smell like vagina
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
