so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
