Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
40s are totally the cure
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
