Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
