Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
