please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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