you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
