PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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